04 July 2006

User's Manual for Nouveau Jersey



1.
Assume entitlement;
we get what we act like we deserve

2.
Money buys good taste;
judge its aesthetic by how much it retails for

3.
Be a willing victim of fashion;
wear your heels to the matinee

4.
Be sensible;
buy everything on sale

5.
Exhibit sensibility;
buy everything on sale and mention it

6.
Give nothing for nothing;
generosity is a compromise of values

7.
Eat as many samples as you can at Whole Foods;
saving a buck is a virtue

8.
Narcissism is survival;
desperately make everything about you

9.
Be sure they notice your car;
use your horn

10.
Be gauche;
it’ll startle people into giving you what you want

11.
Smiling is a sign of weakness;
look annoyed with your eyebrows raised in all public places

12.
Everyone takes advantage of you;
suspect each so-called friend.

13. [edit out?]
Don’t look strangers in the eye;
they might oblige your fantasy and rape or murder you


1 comment:

poet CAConrad said...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
Yeah, now THAT'S a poem!
HEHEHE!

CAConrad
Philadelphia's finest Vegetarian Sin Eater