1.
Assume entitlement;
we get what we act like we deserve
2.
Money buys good taste;
judge its aesthetic by how much it retails for
3.
Be a willing victim of fashion;
wear your heels to the matinee
4.
Be sensible;
buy everything on sale
5.
Exhibit sensibility;
buy everything on sale and mention it
6.
Give nothing for nothing;
generosity is a compromise of values
7.
Eat as many samples as you can at Whole Foods;
saving a buck is a virtue
8.
Narcissism is survival;
desperately make everything about you
9.
Be sure they notice your car;
use your horn
10.
Be gauche;
it’ll startle people into giving you what you want
11.
Smiling is a sign of weakness;
look annoyed with your eyebrows raised in all public places
12.
Everyone takes advantage of you;
suspect each so-called friend.
13. [edit out?]
Don’t look strangers in the eye;
they might oblige your fantasy and rape or murder you